Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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