I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
