I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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