I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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