i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
