so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
