Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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