Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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