Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My ATM looks so different sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize