I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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