White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
