420 ftw
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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