i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
