I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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