I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
