first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
