i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
