she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
