when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
