She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
