Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
