Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
