I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
