before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
