I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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