fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
