I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
