i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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