the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You're like the curious george of whores
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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