i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
