I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
