I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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