I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
