I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
