I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
