Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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