Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
