Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
