Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
