Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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