I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
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How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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