He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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