Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
