There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
