Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
