sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
