just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
