Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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