You're my little dorito
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
