I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
