After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
