Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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