Soap is not a condiment
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
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It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
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I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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