Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
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Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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