just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
