That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
