So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
