Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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