I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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