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I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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