You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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