i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
