I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
