Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
