so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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