I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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