So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
