We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
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They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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