i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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