did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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