chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
two words...techno handjob
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
