im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
